Diary of a Black trans writer with no trust fund tryna make it big in these artistic streets

Fleeting thoughts from a debut-ish poet.

Lovers & Friends, 

Yoyoyo! It’s KB. To the newbies: get ready to rumble (AKA get monthly-ish updates from me)! To the true-bies (that is a word I just made up): thank you for returning. I’m coming to you with some perspective for all the writers and artists in general currently getting it out of the mud in order to get your art seen and consumed. In case you’re feeling alone or need ideas of what to do in these streets, KB’s got you in this here newsletter.

But first, some updates. 

• We are one month away from my debut full-length book of poems, Freedom House, being out in the world officially. To commemorate this big feat, I’m asking all of my supporters to help me get to 250 sold by June 6th! If you haven’t already, you can order one now at  Deep Vellum (it comes with a free ebook if you order here), or Bookwoman, or Black Pearl Books, or anywhere else you get books. When you preorder a book, you are sending a clear message that Black, queer, trans, Texan stories matter (and it makes it so I can continue to publish books). I appreciate you <3 

• If you’re unsure about ordering Freedom House, don’t take my word for it! Ask Vogue, Poets.org, Autostraddle, Ms. Magazine, The Millions, Feminist Book Club, Lambda Literary, Buzzfeed, Write or Die Magazine, or any of the other publications that have recommended it and/or given it rave reviews. 🙂

• The next best way you can support Freedom House is by requesting it at your local libraries & bookstores! It’s FREE & easy to do. The last thing I’d want is for people to not access my words due to money or regional inaccessibility. Please take these numbers & call up a library or bookstore today – Paperback ISBN: 9781646052639, Ebook ISBN: 9781646052844, Audiobook ISBN: 9781646053346

• I’m currently on tour, and dates are going amazingly! RSVP to watch me perform, give workshops, or speak in your city here. Big plus: I’ll have copies with me, so seeing me on tour means that you get Freedom House early. 🙂

• Check out all my most recent interviews & reviews (yes, I updated my website) here. 

Alrighty now. Let’s get into these words. 

***

As of this year, I’d like to think that I’m finally what some call a well-respected writer. I’ve got an NEA, publications with some “notable” magazines (though I think I’m most proud of getting in Taco Bell Quarterly), won an individual poem prize with the nation’s leading champion of American poets and poetry, have one book out (an award-winning one might I add) with Freedom House and a memoir on the way, have done a number of fellowships/residencies, google has finally acknowledged that I exist – you get my drift. And still, I must pop the “overnight success” allegations with the truth. 

All of these things only happened within a span of a year. As in, all these things happened after a time – 12 years to be exact – of writing, learning about my craft, performing at shitty bars and getting paid in drink tickets, and a whole lot of other shit to prove I’m worth what I’ve achieved. 

I wanna let you in on a secret. 

Really it’s a series of secrets. Really I’m writing this newsletter for the people who are where I was last year, or three years ago, or 10 years ago, or feel how I’ve been feeling as of late. I’m writing this for the people that ask “Why do I even try” more times than they’d like to admit, or even better, “Why do I? Why am I?” Do you know what I mean?

If you don’t, this might not be the newsletter for you (hehe). If you do, I’ll let you in on a couple of mantras that I remember time and time again in the moments where I doubt my path and my purpose. 

Keep going. 

We live in a very clout-based world. As in, some people that I emailed or submitted to in 2019 all of a sudden reach out to publish or book me now that there’s some prestige around my name. It happens! Sometimes, someone or some entity might not see it for you now, but if you keep going, they will see it for you later. 

What I mean by keep going, is keep making what feels like progress at the speed that your body/mind allows you to go at. I’ve been trying to be the “daily writer” for years (lol), but instead, I write when I’m called to, read almost every day, seek out opportunities to learn more about the craft of nonfiction/poetry (the genres I currently work in), and I throw my hat in the ring every single time. Don’t say no to yourself! Don’t talk yourself out of applying for that fellowship, submitting that poem to that publication, sending that book to that press, or emailing that venue to see if they’d be willing to book you. Let them – the review board at the GRAMMYs or the people reading for whatever thing you’re putting yourself out there for – say no to you. And then when they say no and you still want to do the thing, collaborate with friends and do it yourself. What sense does it make to not apply if you qualify? Keep going, friend.

Be a lurker. 

That may sound like a joke, but I’m serious. Between 2015 (when I published my first poem + when I first started to think of myself as a “poet”) and now, I’ve kept my ear to the streets for what people are doing/saying as it pertains to poetry and creative writing. The best way to do that, might you ask? Having a twitter account, for starters! I know Elon Musk sucks, but if not for twitter, I wouldn’t know when publications are open for submissions, or be able to connect with people within poetry twitter that eventually became my arts community. Lurking means putting yourself out there on social media – follow the twitter hashtags! Infiltrate poetry tok (and let me know how I can once you do)! Follow instagram accounts that champion the art you make and love! 

Outside of the internet, lurking also means going to that indie bookstore in your town. Do they have events? Might you be able to swing by a couple after work, or join the book club they’ve got going on Sunday nights? Attend that open mic or slam, and actually talk to the people around you! Visit libraries, search some facebook groups, read the “acknowledgements” sections of books you like and follow the publications that are mentioned, chat up at book conferences. Things like that. Maybe I said “lurker” when really I mean “literary citizen” or whatever. All these things helped me stumble across people I now call my family. Lurking IRL and on social media helped (and continue to help) me find friends, and opportunities to perform, and people who eventually become collaborators, reviewers, interviewers, etc. On the outside looking in, it may seem like I’m hella connected. It’s because I started out as a lurker, and I show love to people I know when they are and aren’t looking. I’ve always wanted to be the author that can pop off in the slam space, and the academy, and some random grandmama’s kitchen. I think you get there by a) being a nepo baby, or b) being a lurker with some purpose.

Be a good person.

I’ve seen so many people try to do the “mean girl” thing (actually, there are some writers I will never speak to again because of it) and it doesn’t get them far. They’re never able to get to whatever level they’re trying to get to cause people talk, and you don’t wanna miss out on some life-changing opportunity cause you talked down to a person you thought was beneath you 3 years ago or something. Say hello to the people at the bookstore. If you meet someone at a fellowship/conference and have no reason to have beef with them, speak to them when you see them again. When you can’t do a cool show or event, recommend others for it. Pay it forward because it’s the right thing to do. 

If you come off cold, selfish, opportunistic, etc, then people will treat you accordingly. It’s so much easier to root for a good person. 

No matter what, always stay a student. 

Quiet as it’s kept, I think your art suffers when you think you have nothing more to learn. There are so many poems and songs and visual art movements, etc; you'll never be depleted of inspiration or opportunities to do something you haven’t before. So why not take em? Even though I’ve only finished pieces in poetry and CNF, I’m reading a screenwriting craft book cause why not? What if there are things I can learn from screenwriting and transfer to poetry/CNF? What if I wanna try out a new genre (by the way, support the WGA writers strike)? It’s all possibility. I’m always interested in expanding the possibilities of my writing. 

So if your project is feeling uninspiring to you, or if you’re trying to jump into a new project, or if you just wanna have a good challenge to keep your artistic mind fresh, I say get you a library card. Check out some books on your craft. Subscribe to a youtube channel that teaches things about your craft. Enroll in a community college, or nonprofit-based, or university class on your craft. Above all else, stay curious. 

Don’t let comparison nor impostor syndrome win 

Not everything is how it seems. If you’ve ever looked at another artist and been like “I have what they want”, join the club. I’m TELLING you, though, often we don’t see all the things that needed to happen to get them there, nor what they still need to do to get to where they want to be. I used to dream of getting the things I have now, and now that I have it, I know that there’s still so long to go lol. When I’m outside of the insular crowd of poets (which is a small percent of the world), they don’t care that I have an NEA. Shoot; even in most poetry circles I am still very much a nobody. I still have to work my ass off to get booked, sell books, get noticed on social media, etc. I’m still a writer/administrative assistant/marketing manager/tour manager/my own #1 fan for my writing career, with plans to one day just be a writer. If you think that I’m different from you, I’m here to tell you that I’m still grinding — just as hard to make my dreams come true as you and anyone that just started yesterday. It’s gotten easier to convince some people I’m somebody, but convincing is still needed, so there’s still more work to be done. 

I say all of this to day comparison is a killer of joy. YOU can only be YOU, so continue on the path that you’re setting for yourself. A wise person once said “it takes 10 years to become famous if you don’t got pretty privilege or some other thing that gives you access to a fast track.” Technically, I’m on year 3 of being consistent, and year 12 overall. Do you. Always be going somewhere. The rest will fall into place. Or won’t, and you’ll have lessons learned and a new place to fall into.

***

Okay, bb’s; thanks for reading and riding with me. I hope this newsletter is finding you easing into summertime – where you will go on that trip, do that outside activity you’ve been meaning to do, drink more water, and finish that project. Till next time! 

Love, peace, and chicken grease, 

- KB