Holding Myself & Many Things...All At Once
Inside the life of KB: updates on the old, the new, and the hard to let go <3
Lovers & Friends,
Yo! KB here, coming at you once again with updates, thoughts, and the like. The past two months since I spoke to you last have been jam-packed with moments that have torn me and put me together again. Before I get into that, here are some profesh updates:
I’m tryna to get 1k copies of “How To Identify Yourself With a Wound” sold by August 27th! Can I count on you to buy a copy, share my social media posts (twitter/instagram) about it, and message a friend/family member about this Black, trans, Texas book?
There’s no one in the world that I’m rooting for right now more than Megan Thee Stallion. Since she came on the scene, I felt a familiarity that I hadn’t felt in entertainment before, and I thought other Hip Hop heads would agree. But they didn’t, and I think I know why. Here’s my longer-form thoughts on that, published in The Offing (PS: I think it might be one of the best things I’ve written).
I thought that I included this in my last newsletter but somehow did not (lol). I also got an essay out about Kendrick Lamar’s (in)famous song “Auntie Diaries” here! Get into my thoughts on transness, Blackness, and the roles of art and allyship in 2022.
If you know nothing else about me, you know that I luhhhh Frank Ocean. My love for him started with the album “Channel Orange”, and somebody effed around and let me write about it! Read my thoughts on music, masculinity, and growing up Black and queer in marching band here. Thanks to Oxford American!
Word on the street is I be writing sometimes, and sometimes those writings get published. I wrote a poem about dancing to Solange, and Onley Magazine published it!
I also wrote about being shirtless at the pool for the first time in Poetry Northwest! Click here to purchase their new issue featuring moi (and many other talented writers).
I’ve been doing such BEAUTIFUL interviews with the likes of the Chicago Review of Books, Sightlines Magazine, and more. Check out all my recent convos and reviews here.
Please ask your local public library, bookstore, university, college, book club, or political education group to please carry my debut poetry book, “How To Identify Yourself With a Wound”. It would mean the world to me! The ISBN is 978-1-952224-13-3. Let's get it poppin baby!!!!!
That was long, wasn’t it? But it’s all stuff I’m grateful for. Gratefulness is a practice, and I’m learning to relish it. Let me explain.
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[Live Image Of Me Dealing With The BS Detailed Below]
In August 2021, it was clear to me that I needed to make a radical life change. I was working a 9-5, leading two nonprofits in my spare time, preparing myself for grad school in the fall, and navigating a pandemic/the perpetual bs of the United States/being a human. Needless to say, I was overwhelmed. I was also angry in a way that I’d never been — at the world, and at myself for trying so hard to make space for other people while not making space for myself. Nonprofit work is thankless, and ridiculously complicated when you’re a new ED. So I had to make a choice: lighten my load or work myself into an early grave.
So I lightened my load; meaning, I left my 9-5 and both of the nonprofits, in hopes that new leadership could take those organizations and roles to heights I didn’t have time or mental space to take them to. In two of the three, that ended up (luckily) happening. In the other, not so much.
In June 2022, I found out that the ED of the organization overran the organization into the ground — financially and morale-wise — in less than a year. Money was embezzled, people were not paid, trust had been broken, and many folks resigned due to lying and manipulation from this ED. What made this my business (because when I left, I LEFT) is the fact that this ED didn’t update any state/federal paperwork to say that he was now the ED; a mess if there ever was one! So all of a sudden, I put all artistic and personal endeavors I had on pause to fix this, and as of today, it’s 90% fixed. Throughout all this, the ED never apologized nor agreed to pay back the organization and the people he stole from.
It’s hard to be grateful in the midst of cleaning up other people’s mess. It’s hard to preserve someone’s dignity when they didn’t do that to you. Taking the high road is impossible when there’s no road, no shared respect, to begin with. Interfaces having to end isn't my fault, and there’s nothing I could’ve done to prohibit a good liar from being my successor. I know these things, but knowing something is different than feeling it. In the midst of this whirlwind of shit, I’ve been thinking a lot about gratefulness.
How does one not catastrophize and not push everything good happening away while watching something you love die due to someone else’s knife? My therapist says regulation — relying on what I know to manage the feelings as they come — and gratefulness. Acknowledging that lil initiative I started in the tiniest bookstore imaginable was able to pay 100+ people for their art, their work toward our mission, and their work out in the community was great. I have to cherish that. Though it’s an end of an era, it was an era nonetheless. Though I’ve been inconvenienced, I am meeting this with more emotional, physical, communal, and financial stability than I’ve ever had, which is a blessing. I took a beautiful trip, my first trip out of the country, this month to get away from the hustle and bustle; that is also a blessing. I’m also 8 months into working for myself, did a 36-stop tour this yr, and have been selling hella books
And so I’m back to gratefulness. What are you grateful for? How are you re-regulating in the face of unpredictable bullshit? How are you reflecting on all the awesome shit you’ve done? Let me know in the comments.
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That’s *almost* all for now. I want to start a couple new segments for my newsletter, so before you click away read these synopses:
ON REPEAT WITH KB
Every month, Spotify makes a playlist for you called “On Repeat”, which tells you what songs you’ve been listening to over & over. I want to do a recap of my “On Repeat”’s with you, in an effort to include more music writing in this here newsletter! This’ll be in podcast format so you can hear my cute-ass voice. Stay tuned next month for this.
KB ENT
For the past 10 years or so, my life has been immersed in nightlife. I love a drag show, music concert, poetry open mic, etc, so I thought “why not make a lil review series”? This segment will be me trying that on for size. This’ll also be in podcast format.
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That’s *really* all for now! I appreciate your eyes on my ramblings, and I look forward to talking again soon.
Love, peace, and chicken grease,
KB